"Blessed is the one...whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season..."
- Psalm 1: 1-3
Over the past week, I have been overwhelmed by the many, many people sending congratulatory messages and celebrating with me as I finished the long journey to my Ph.D. Blessed is truly the only way to simply express how I feel. I am certainly proud of this milestone in my academic career, and so grateful in knowing how many people have come alongside of me to encourage, pray for, and guide me on this journey the past 5 years. Yet, this academic journey has also included an intense internal journey for me unbeknownst to most...and perhaps a deeper level of celebration for me because I know how far the Lord has brought me on that level as I have pursued this degree.
So, if you're curious about what this journey has been for me, read on for a glimpse of vulnerability in sharing part of my story...and perhaps my answer to the inevitable "what's next?" may make a little more sense too.
While my Ph.D. journey began in typical 'doing this part-time student' fashion...aka classes and more classes on top of my usual work, it was flipped upside down a couple of years in with one class and an option to walk through a process on a personal level as we read through the book Immunity to Change. For those of you who read my post then, you know how much of an impact that process had on me. Yet, as I noted then, it was not simply an aha! moment...it was the beginning of a process that has been ongoing since...with many ups and downs, twists and turns.
And, as I look back, I can see His hand in all of it over the past few years...because tackling those personal issues has been imperative to getting to where I am now. I struggle a bit of how to articulate what the journey has been under the surface for me of pressing forward through this Ph.D. journey. For anyone who relates to the struggles of perfectionism and insecurity for various reasons...you know that ebb and flow of belief in yourself and imposter syndrome; though what we show the world is strong and pulled together, there are days when we come home wondering if we really are capable of the dreams we set forth. So, some of what the Lord has taught me along this journey is this...
When I focus on serving others and helping others grow, I find strength and joy...and I grow too.
When I delve deep into resources to be a better teacher, I gain an appreciation for the work I get to do every day and the confidence to share it with others.
When I get critical of others and myself, I need to step back from the stress of the situation to let grace come in.
When I doubt the worth my ideas or contributions to a conversation, I must find the courage to share them anyways.
When I get frustrated for not being able to keep a certain pace, I need to take a realistic look at my expectations and adapt with a little discipline.
These may seem like pretty simple realizations, but they have each come with profound insights to both my identity in Christ and self-efficacy. Some may not see a change...for me, however, it has been a tremendous shift from what I perceived I needed to be for others to becoming authentically confident in simply being me (and will continue growing as such). And, the peace that comes with that is quite amazing.
"Phinally Done!" While I will always be a learner, attaining this goal capped my formal academic degrees. Of course, then, the question of "what's next" is only natural. I feel that the Lord planted me here in Florida for a season, crossing my path with the people I needed to make this journey. Yet, as one formal aspect of the journey comes to a close, I have not felt that this season is done...I feel like there's still much the Lord would have me do right here. And so, I have opted to stay. Yes, I am technically "overqualified" for my current position and certainly now qualified to now apply for faculty jobs wherever they become available. But, those of you who know me well know that I am not one big on titles...for me, it's more important to be doing work that I love and offers the opportunity to make a difference, and to be surrounded by great people. And my current post fits the bill for both of those aspects. I have several projects that took a back burner over the past few years...and I'm excited to be dusting some of those off with hope for opportunities to share some of the neat things we've been doing.
However, I will also say that in this time of contentment and taking advantage of some newfound time for tackling those pushed aside projects, I am giving myself permission to dream again. With a major goal attained, I'm praying about what is next whenever that time comes...whether it be a change in responsibilities here or if the Lord calls me elsewhere. After all, I surrendered this journey called life to Him many years ago...His glory, my reward...I'm grateful and blessed beyond measure as the celebrations fade and this new title sinks in...yet, I can't help but wonder how He is already orchestrating the use of this new title along this great adventure.
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, renew a steadfast spirit within me." - Psalm 51:10
PS - One month 'til celebrating my style...heading on mission to Kenya for 10 days! :)
