December Adventures

As I write, it is a grand 7 degrees outside and I'm crossing my fingers for a white Christmas...it may go a little north, but one can hope :). You can probably guess that I am certainly not in Florida right now...there is no place I'd rather be than home in Illinois for Christmas with my family! And, it has been quite the adventure of December leading up to being home for the holidays (which probably explains why just relaxing is top on my list)! Three key things have occupied the past 24 days:
1. Gainesville Christmas Festival...one of my favorite times of year. It was the key thing that originally made Westside Baptist my church home and one of the most awesome outreach activities I have ever been a part of...certainly a blessing to all involved (even in the midst of long hours of rehearsals and planning, tired bodies, and the commitment of time during the busiest time of year). It is all worth it for the opportunity to make an eternal impact for the Kingdom! My first week of December was filled with rehearsals and performances! I can't imagine missing out on it, even knowing I would not be there for the second weekend of performances!
2. Finishing out the semester...a crazy, but wonderful semester it was! I had the opportunity to work on several projects with the missions department at Westside this semester...it was such a blessing and offered some great insight for future service!
3. CALS Leadership Institute International Service & Learning Experience: A 10-day adventure to Ecuador with 12 students and my boss. Although I have said this trip is an exception to our typical August travel, given it was in the midst of the previous two items and planning for next semester, it was a trip full of blessings and reminders of what it truly important. Visiting a developing country around the holidays is such a humbling experience...especially when you spend 4 days with a family in an indigenous community. They gave so much for us to be with them and learn about their way of life; our reforestation service project was just a small way to give back to a community that opened their homes to our group. And, it never ceases to amaze me just how beautiful God's creation is in different locations. Blessed and humbled...these are the two words that continue coming to mind as I reflect on this trip.

Now, time to enjoy being with my family and celebrating the miracle of Christmas that began the greatest story of all time...the story of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Luke 2:9-14

"An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.  This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."  Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,  "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."      

DIY Map Canvas Art

Perhaps you have seen the wood stain map DIY projects on Pinterest, like the post from thehappierhomemaker.com. I was reminded of the project a few weeks ago, as one of my pastor's daughters made one. So as I was thinking through a final bonus project to reflect my personal change project for a course this semester, my original idea sort of meshed with this map project. The photo above is of my original project; a few folks commented on the photo and wanted to know how to make it, so here's the tutorial along with a second idea. I loved doing this...not very often do I get the opportunity to be creative and artsy with an assignment!
1. Gather up your supplies. You will need...

• a canvas of sorts (a true canvas, or get creative...my
  first map was done over a sign that was on clearance)
• a Gideon Bible or other background print
• paint in the color you would like your map to be
• "school" glue, or use your own decoupage 'recipe'
• exacto knife and mat/cardboard to cut on
• map print out (I printed/traced mine from here,
  which offers multiple options and sizes to print)
• a few tea bags (and a mug)
• sealant/glaze to protect the final product
• makeup sponge 
• disposable container and spoon for decoupage
• disposable plastic table cloth is helpful for easy clean-up and decoupage drying
• old sock or paper towels 

 2. Prep your decoupage (I guestimate about 1:3 glue:water ratio) and Bible pages (this involved deconstructing and trimming the pages).

3. Start dunking the pages in the decoupage one by one and placing them randomly on the canvas. You can take the corners like wrapping a present, folding the corners over. 

4. Continue layering the decoupage pages until the canvas is completely covered. If there are specific pages you would like on top, be sure to save those until the end and make them the final pages you decoupage on to the canvas.

5. While the decoupage is drying, cut out an outline of the map with the exacto knife. This is the most time consuming part of the process! But, once you have the 'stencil', it will be good for a couple of uses. I'm sure you could make a stencil out plastic/metal if you wanted to use it over and over again; I just used the paper print out though.  

6. Secure the 'stencil' to the canvas (I just used a couple pieces of tape on an edge or two). Obviously, the photo above show my stencil being used for the second time. There were a few spots on the map that had little pieces within the cutout, so I 'painted' around those pieces first so I could move them out of the way (i.e. the Great Lakes). I found that a makeup sponge piece worked great for this project; I know there are little stencil brushes out there, but this was available and worked great! Just dab the sponge in the paint and blot off the extra, then gently work around the outline, getting the full outer edges and working in to fill. 

7. Pull off the stencil to reveal the full map; this goes pretty quickly if you are using acrylic paint. 

8. Once everything is dry, add a couple of tea bag to a mug with a little bit of water; microwave for a minute or two to get the bags steeping. Let cool, or add a couple of ice cubes to cool the liquid off. Pull out a tea bag and squeeze off the excess liquid. Gently dab the tea bag over the canvas, following with an old sock or paper towel after every 6 or so inches to dab off the extra tea. Re-dunk and squeeze the tea bag as needed; if coloration starts to fade, switch to a new tea bag. I used two tea bags for each canvas.  

9, When the tea stain has dried, add a coat or two of protective 'varnish', or leave plain if you are framing with glass. Hang and enjoy!  

Bonus: Here's a photo of the additional canvas I did in the spirit of Christmas! I used pages only from the four Gospels, and the top layer includes many of the pages that contain the nativity story. 

That's all...hope this tutorial was helpful and may inspire your creativity! 

Pumpkin Cheesecake Bars

It's November, and I signed up to bring a dessert for our World Impact Team meeting this past Sunday...you can bet that it was going to be something with pumpkin! That's just how I roll in the fall! For whatever reason, pumpkin cheesecake came to mind, and then my favorite cheesecake bars. So, I figured why not combine the two! The result...pure, everything fall should be, mildly pumpkin-y deliciousness! These were some pretty tasty cheesecake bars, but then I may be a bit biased! Though, there were happy campers at both Sunday meetings/fellowships and requests for the recipe...always a good indicator that you've found a recipe! Here's the recipe:

Pumpkin Cheesecake Bars
Adapted from Bakerella
Yield: 8x8 inch pan (~20 mini bars)

Crust Ingredients: 
11/2 c. Biscoff cookies, ground in food processor to a fine crumb
2 T. brown sugar
4 T. butter, melted

Cheesecake Ingredients: 
2 (8 oz.) packages 1/3 less fat cream cheese, softened
2/3 cup brown sugar
11/2 T. flour
2 eggs
2/3 c. pumpkin puree
2 t. vanilla
1/2 t. cinnamon
1/2 t. pumpkin pie spice

Ganache Ingredients: 
6 oz. heavy whipping cream
2 oz. butter
3/4 c. chocolate chips
1/4 c. powdered sugar

Directions:
1. Combine ground Biscoff cookies and sugar with fork.
2. Add melted butter and combine with form.
3. Press into a parchment paper lined 8x8 inch square baking pan.
4. Set crust aside.
5. Preheat oven to 325'F.
6. In a large bowl, cream sugar, cream cheese, and flour with an electric mixer.
7. Add eggs one at a time, mixing well after each egg.
8. Add pumpkin and vanilla; mix thoroughly.
9. Pour on prepared crust.
10. Bake at 325'F for about 45 minutes.
11. Remove and cool.
12. While cheesecake is cooling, heat cream and butter on stove until just before boiling.
13. Place chocolate chips in a medium mixing bowl.
14. Remove from stove and pour over chocolate chips; stir to combine.
15. Add powdered sugar; beat until combined and smooth.
16. Pour over cooled cheesecake.
17. Sprinkle with leftover cookie crumbs, if desired.
18. Cover and refrigerate overnight.
19. Life out of pan and cut into bars to serve.
20. Enjoy! :) And, try not to eat 4 or 5 of them!

"Too" Perspectives

I was recently having a conversation with some colleagues regarding our responses to "How are you?" (which is such a common courtesy question these days). Often, we acknowledge this question as its typically intended common courtesy with a quick answer of "good," "fine," or "busy" and are on our way. For those individuals asking that we have a bit more of a personal  relationship with, we can add to that answer a short description of what is going on; however, it tends to be with somewhat of an exhausted tone. And, for those who are oh-so-lucky to be our closest friends and family this question can turn in to a full blown complaint session or mini counseling session of how in the world we ended up with so many things on our plate. Quite simply, we are too busy and too stressed to enjoy the commitments we made...most likely out of original excitement for each individual project! So, when exactly did our enthusiasm for working on various projects turn into an exhausting to-do list? Perhaps when we failed to prioritize, said 'yes' one too many times, were offered that amazing opportunity that we just could not pass up, or set some absurd expectations of what I 'should' be doing at this point in life. Albeit there will be some external factors connected to stress levels and responsibilities, the one we can control is our personal choices of what we engage in and how we react to these matters of life.

This thought process came about as I sat in our church's prayer garden watching a beautiful sunset this past Monday night. On a scale of 1-10, with 9 being the point in which I would send out a message to some friends to pray for me and either cry, scream, or go buy some chocolate, I was at about an 8.5. Well, rather than doing any of the previous, I decided that going to pray in our prayer garden would be a better option in the 10 minutes I had between arriving at the church and when FAITH outreach would begin. I was stressed because I had a paper due that day that was not yet done, and growing with frustration for my inability to get all of my ideas and thoughts onto paper in a cohesive manner (and not in my typical write, reflect, revisit, final edition method I like to operate in for assignments). I was feeling guilty for taking a day out of my long weekend to spend some time in the kitchen rather than working on this paper; in hindsight, I probably should have taken time to write on Friday and then have kitchen time as a celebration. Regardless, I had not accomplished all that I wanted to on the long weekend, and knowing the busy week ahead, was feeling a bit overwhelmed. And, when I don't have the time to put into something I care about, I just get frustrated with myself and stressed out. So, what I realized while sitting there for those 10 minutes, was that I was being ridiculously hard on myself. This past semester, God has been teaching me SO much through my coursework regarding connections between my leadership work and missions; I was trying to process that dynamic along with my assignment at the same time. And for this internal processor, it was mental overload! My enthusiasm for those connections was rapidly decreasing as the minutes drew closer to the time I wanted to submit the assignment (aka before heading to the church). It was amazing to me what a difference those 10 minutes made on my perspective for the rest of the evening and now week. I finished the assignment after returning home from FAITH, and had a very focused work day on Tuesday. The more I think about this "too stressed" or "too busy" perspective, I have come to a few things I need to focus on as the semester's peak deadline weeks are approaching:
1. Remember that I have chosen to be "off balance-on purpose"! My schedule should reflect my priorities and values, and I should fully embrace those choices!
2. Don't let the amount of things to be done impact my enthusiasm for the projects as a whole! Some things may not be glamorous, but need to be done to reach the original purpose that engaged me in the first place!
3. When someone asks me how I am doing, respond by sharing something that I am excited to be working on instead of an exhausted and quick reply. (Seriously, call me out on this one!)

As leaders, we model the way for those around us; imagine if we began realizing our limitations based on our priorities, expecting quality and passion rather than quantity accomplished, and kept the :too blessed to be stressed' mantra in mind...how much more focused and productive could we be? It's going to take some (ok, a lot of) intentional effort, and some trial and error to get the off-balance to our liking...but, it's doable!

Maple-Butternut Squash Bread

In an effort to utilize some of my new maple-butternut squash butter, I decided to make some bread! This was a great and yummy decision/experiment. I have made bread with butternut squash before as a substitute for pumpkin, but had never tried it before with a butter. given that the butter is already sweetened and spiced, I did not add much to the bread in those areas. The bread has a nice flavor to it, but not too sweet; this is an ideal breakfast bread in my opinion. It also has the dense, oatmeal-like texture to it...yet another reason to enjoy it for breakfast. It's probably a good thing that I went with the mini loaf pans to share with a couple of friends...otherwise, there's no telling how quickly the larger loaf would have disappeared! I'm declaring this to be a successful experiment, and hope you enjoy as well!

Maple-Butternut Squash Bread

Ingredients: 
1 3/4 c. flour (all-purpose, whole wheat, or combo)
1 c. oat flour (just a tad over a cup of oats ground in the food processor)
1/4 c. flaxseed meal
1/2 t. cinnamon
1 T. baking powder
1/2 t. baking soda
1/2 t. salt
2 c. maple-butternut squash butter
2 eggs
3/4 c. applesauce
1 c. coconut oil
1 T. maple syrup (the real stuff)

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350'F.
2. Prepare pan(s). you could use a 9x5 in. loaf pan, 4 mini loaf pans, or make muffins.
3. In a medium bowl, combine flours, flaxseed meal, cinnamon, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
4. In a large bowl, combine maple-butternut squash butter, eggs, applesauce, oil, and syrup.
5. Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients; stir gently just until incorporated. (It is a thicker batter.)
6. Drop into pan(s).
7. Bake at 350'F for ~60 minutes (single loaf), ~40 minutes (mini loaf pans), or ~25 minutes (muffins).

Enjoy plain, or slather on some additional maple-butternut squash butter! :)

Maple-Butternut Squash Butter

It has finally started feeling like fall, and I can hardly believe we are in November already! Thanks to Homecoming at UF, I have a 4-day weekend to catch up on life and try to get ahead as the end of the semester approaches. Of course, that means one of the first things on my to-do list was to get in the kitchen. I was inspired by my time in Canada last week, and this is what came to mind. After tasting it while cooking, and perhaps scraping the slow cooker to enjoy every last bit of it after getting the jars filled, I can attest that this is pretty good stuff! Can't wait to slather it on some biscuits or muffins! Enjoy!


Maple-Butternut Squash Butter
Yield: 12 half-pint jars
Ingredients: 
3 butternut squash, peeled and seeded (approximately 1 1/2 gallons cubed)
1/2 cup maple syrup (the real stuff!)
1/2 cup brown sugar
3 t. cinnamon
3 t. pumpkin pie spice

Directions:
1. In a large pot, add butternut squash and cover with water; boil until soft.
2. Puree butternut squash in blender with just a little bit of the water from boiling.*
3. Add butternut squash puree to a large slow cooker.
4. Add maple syrup, brown sugar, and spices.
5. Cook on low with lid cocked to the side for approximately 3 hours, stirring every hour. (Stirring may not be needed, but it is a great opportunity to taste test.)
6. Once it reaches your desired consistency, turn off slow cooker.
7. Scoop in to canning jars and allow to cool.
8. Store in refrigerator for 2-3 weeks, or freeze and use within 3 months.

* I just have a small bullet blender, so I did this step in several batches with just the liquid that fell in from scooping the squash into the blender cup with a slotted spoon.

Attitude Check

This semester, I chose to be a part of our FAITH outreach program at Westside; it is a training that equips people to share the Gospel in a simple way, with the truth of scripture. We meet every Monday night, have a time of learning, then go out to visit those who have come to Westside. Given that Sunday mornings are often constantly moving, I enjoy the opportunity to visit with some of the folks who have visited our Young Professionals class and get to know them a little bit. Otherwise, they simply continue to be 'new' faces. The irony is, though, that I initially had no interest in being a part of FAITH this semester; honestly, I had avoided it with excuses of being too busy to commit to an entire semester of Monday nights. But, though a series of events this summer...working through some personal heart issues, rededicating my life to Christ, and then having my academic schedule get shifted...I ended up having Monday nights available and felt the nudging of the Holy Spirit to sign up. In fact, in the midst of processing things this summer, I even had a conversation with our Young Professionals pastor about outreach and how our class needed some folks to step up to the plate this semester for FAITH; of course, at that point I was completely oblivious that it would be me. Funny how God works things out like that!
Anyways, God put on my heart one Monday morning a simple reminder of why He has me in FAITH this semester: "Our attitude toward outreach and sharing the Gospel is a direct reflection of the condition of our heart and walk with Him...without the right attitude, we are masters of excuses". It was an attitude check that I needed to have, as I was the master of excuses of why I was not sharing the Gospel with others...too busy, too concerned of what they'll think, too wrapped up in what I could say at work, etc. The bottom line, though, was that I wasn't sharing because I had an area of my life that I had separated out from everything else that I was determined to deal with on my own. And, I felt that until I had that area of sin dealt with, I felt hypocritical in sharing the Gospel. So, while I was still walking with God and growing in my faith, I was approaching my faith with hesitation and going through the motions for quite some time...God calls that lukewarm Christianity...and, you know what...He spits lukewarm believers out (Rev. 3:15-16). I praise God that He surrounds me with a church family that speaks truth with love and supports the revelations of the Holy Spirit in each of us; my revelation was simply that my desire to control even just one area of my life was putting a wedge in my relationship and growth as a follower of Christ. I could not share beyond what He was teaching me at surface level and the joys I received from serving, as I was missing out on the depth of relationship because of the wedge. So, in late summer, God put a poem on my heart...a poem that expressed my rededication to Christ; a composition that reflects a needed reminder for me that it's a daily choice to wake up, pray, get into the Word, and trust that He is in control and guiding my path. And, after going through the motions for many years, I am experiencing worship and relearning the disciplines of my Christian walk with a renewed Spirit. It's exciting, but sometimes difficult to articulate to others. I'm beginning to see how my passion for leadership development and intercultural competence development is interwoven with missions and church growth strategy. This semester, when I read for class my mind races with ideas of how things could apply in the missions/church context...it makes me wonder what God is up to! But, it's an adventure that I am just grateful to be on with rediscovered joy! Bottom line...attitude checks keep us in line with God's will for our lives and open doors for connecting with others for accountability to grow deeper in our relationship with Christ and opportunities to be equipped to share the Gospel!

A Twist on "Sloppy Joes"

So, I must confess that "sloppy joes" are not exactly my favorite meal. I don't think they ever have been. But, something about preparing them for 200+ people at camp during my summers as an undergraduate just made them lose their appeal. To give you a mental picture, imagine a giant pan almost the size of your entire stove top, multiple 10 pound rolls of ground beef, and me armed with a very large metal spatula. To say the least, it was a hot job that was also a pretty good arm workout. Although I enjoyed them on occasion before those summers, I was still pretty finicky about how they were prepared. Well, I came across this recipe (and as noted below, I have no idea where the original was discovered) that intrigued me because it was a "clean eating" version of "sloppy joes." I was skeptical, but curious enough to try it (plus it was minimal prep and throw it all into the crock pot...always a bonus!). The verdict: pleasantly surprised and a nice flavor and cross between chili and "sloppy joes". It's great on a roll, stuffed into a sweet potato, or on its own. And, it's a nice protein punch with lots of veggies to keep you full for a while! So, if you're looking for an interesting twist to a couple of classic dishes, give this recipe a try!

(Next time I make this, I'll post a picture...just wanted to share the recipe for now.)

Slow Cooker "Sloppy Joes"
I adapted this slightly from someone else, but can't seem to find it now...thanks to whomever deserves the true credit. 
Servings: 4

Ingredients:
1 lb. ground beef (I typically use TJs extra lean)
1/2 cup. onion, diced (about 1/2 an onion)
1 can (15 oz.) tomato sauce
5 Tbsp. tomato paste
1 large green bell pepper, diced
1 large carrot, diced (or shredded or run through the food processor)
1 can (15 oz.) pinto beans, drained and rinsed
Salt & Pepper to taste

Directions:
In a large skillet, cook ground beef and onion on stovetop, working to a crumble.
While meat is cooking, add all remaining ingredients to a slow cooker.
When meat is cooked, add to the slow cooker and stir to combine.
Cook on low for 3-4 hours.
Enjoy!

October = Pumpkin! Pumpkin! Pumpkin!

Well, October is in full swing...which means harvest, cooler temps, beautiful colors, and all things pumpkin and apple. Oh, right...I'm not in Illinois anymore...so, October means continued mildly summer like weather mixed with glimpses of fall, all things pumpkin (thank you, Libby's!) and squash, and dreaming about going to an apple orchard like back home to enjoy pumpkin spice donuts with hot apple cider. :) I love living in Florida, but this time of year is when home is missed most! Thankfully, Publix is always well stocked with canned pumpkin though! After a week of going a little overboard with chocolate and sweets with a little chaos and stress, I figured it was time to get back to some meal planning and prep work this week; thankfully, all it takes is a week off to realize how much easier it makes life when you take the time to plan! So, I experimented a little with a new pumpkin muffin recipe and am pretty pleased with the not-too-sweet, hearty result for my breakfasts this week! So, I'll keep it short and here's the recipe (because I need to hit the hay soon to catch my zzzs for a busy week ahead):

Pumpkin Muffins
Adapted from Peanut Butter Fingers
Yield: 12 Muffins

Ingredients: 
1 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup flax seed meal
1/3 cup almond meal
1 cup old fashioned oats
1 t. baking soda
1/2 t. baking powder
1 1/2 t. cinnamon
1/4 t. nutmeg
1/4 t. allspice
1/4 t. ground ginger
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup mashed banana (~1 overripe banana)
1 egg
1 c. pumpkin puree
3/4 cup milk (I used unsweetened almond milk)

Directions: 
1. Preheat oven to 400'F and prepare muffin tin pan with liners.
2. In a large bowl, combine all dry ingredients (whole wheat flour through brown sugar).
3. In a small bowl, combine wet ingredients thoroughly.
4. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients; stir just until combined.
5. Drop batter into muffin tin liners.
6. Bake at 400'F for 20 minutes.

Nutritional Info: Calories per muffin (135) Fat (4g.) Carb. (21g.) Protein (4g.)

My Favorite Pumpkin Pancakes!

Yep...that's right...a double whammy, pumpkin recipe day to kick off fall! With the leftover pumpkin from the pumpkin roll, I just could not resist making a mini batch of my favorite pumpkin pancakes. This recipe was concocted a few years back when I was living in GA (where it actually feels like fall and you can take a quick trip up into the 'mountains' to see some fall color). Did I mention I love fall?!?...it is probably one of the things I miss most since moving to Florida. Really...how could I not miss the beautiful changing colors of the leaves, going to the orchard for apples and pumpkins, actual crispness in the air, bonfires, etc.!?!? But, since I am in Florida, and driving to get apples and pumpkins at an orchard is out of the question...I just have to settle for baking as many pumpkin-y things as possible! So, without further ado...here's the recipe (and, don't be surprised is additional pumpkin recipes appear in the coming months):

Pumpkin Pancakes

Ingredients: 
2 cups whole wheat flour
2 t. baking powder
4 T. brown sugar
1 t. baking soda
1 t. allspice
1 t. cinnamon
1/2 t. ginger
1/2 t. salt
1 1/2 cups milk
1 cup pumpkin puree
2 eggs
1 T. oil
2 T. white vinegar
1 t. vanilla

Directions:
1. In a large bowl, combine all dry ingredients.
2. In a small bowl, combine all wet ingredients.
3. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients; stir just until combined.
4. Heat a skillet to medium-medium high heat.
5. Drop batter by 1/4 cup.
6. Watch for batter to bubble; flip and allow to cook on other side.
7. Flip onto a plate, top with whatever topping(s)* your heart desires, and devour the pumpkin-y deliciousness!
*Toppings could include: bananas, maple syrup, peanut butter, cream cheese drizzle, chocolate chips (these could also be dropped in the batter just after pouring the batter, before flipping), cinnamon whipped cream, etc.

Mmmm...my stomach is super happy right now, having just finished up a plate of these pancakes lightly drizzled in maple syrup, with an egg and nectarine on the side! Hope you enjoy them as much as I do!

Pumpkin season is rolling in...

I am SO excited...fall is my favorite time of year! And, although it still feels like summer here in Florida, I am officially kicking off pumpkin season! One of my co-workers gave me the perfect excuse to do so...her birthday! When I offered options to her for what cake she wanted, she picked pumpkin roll! It also gave me an excuse to go buy a jelly roll pan...looking forward to making a sheet cake to take to some function in the future, too! I love how quick a pumpkin roll is to whip up, or should I say roll up :). And, the bonus is that you can't leave a rough edge on your roll so taste testing is a must to ensure a clean-cut roll. Alright...on to the recipe, which is pretty standard to all pumpkin roll recipes I have seen but delicious nonetheless!

Pumpkin Roll

Ingredients:
3 eggs
1 cup sugar
2/3 cup pumpkin
1 t. lemon juice
3/4 cup flour
2 t. cinnamon
1 t. ginger
1/2 t. nutmeg
1/2 t. salt

Filling:
4 T. butter, room temperature
8 oz. cream cheese, room temperature
1 1/2-2 cups powdered sugar
1/2 t. vanilla

Directions: 
1. Preheat oven to 375' F. Prepare a jelly roll pan by lining with waxed paper.
2. In a small bowl, combine flour, spices, and salt. Set aside.
3. In a medium bowl, beat eggs for 5 minutes.
4. Add sugar and beat until combined.
5. Add pumpkin and lemon juice. Bear just until combined.
6. Gradually beat in dry ingredients just until combined.
7. Pour batter unto prepared pan.
8. Bake at 375'F for 15 minutes.

While roll is baking, prepare the filling.
1.  Whip together butter and cream cheese.
2. Add vanilla.
3. Slowly add in powdered sugar until desired sweetness is reached. (Start with 1 cup and a little more at a time).

Rolling...
1. When roll comes out of the oven, let cool in pan for 3-5 minutes.
2. Cover with another piece of waxed paper and a light weight dish towel.
3. Flip pan over onto a flat surface, on top of the towel.
4. Lightly roll the pumpkin roll with the towel and waxed paper intact.
5. Let cool for 10 minutes.
6. Return to roll, unroll and remove the top layer of waxed paper.
7. Spread the filling over the roll.
8. Using the waxed paper and towel, begin to evenly and snugly roll the pumpkin roll into the filling, being careful to not apply extra pressure and cause cracking.
9. Transfer roll to serving platter, removing the remainder of the waxed paper.
10. Sprinkle with powdered sugar, serve and enjoy, or refrigerate for later service and sprinkle with powdered sugar when ready to serve.

Hope you enjoy this yummy pumpkin treat!

Author Connections...

Do you remember that book? You know, that book...the one where you could hardly put it down or just wanted to highlight entire pages as at a time? I think we all have at least one of those books where we simply connect with the author in one way or another. When you connect with an author, it typically falls in one of two categories: 1) Connect with the style of writing, which makes reading that book easy and enjoyable or 2) Connect with the content in the book, which can make reading that book both encouraging and challenging at the same time. Or, perhaps you hit the jackpot and get both with one author...which means you'll probably purchase multiple books from that author and glean many take-aways from them. Well, that's what happened to me over the summer. After receiving the Made to Crave Devotional for my birthday in the Spring (which I have referenced in multiple posts), I knew I had connected with the author, Lysa TerKeurst (Proverbs 31 Ministries). So, naturally, after I finished the devotional...I picked up another of her books (Unglued), then went back to the original book Made to Crave and on to Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl. Not to mention my random nighttime reading of The Insatiable Quest for Beauty...nothing like reading a story that is reflective of your own journey to spur some thoughts on what I could be missing/have not thought about. To say the least, I was on a roll...and getting my tail kicked and heart encouraged at the same time...all...summer...long! In light of other personal stuff I was processing through this summer, in all combined for a very impactful summer of reading and quiet time. From a spiritual growth perspective, there were two key thoughts that I am venturing into the fall with:
1. Practical literature and sharing our stories are an integral part of growth; knowing that others have similar struggles and sharing the Biblical principles that help grow beyond them is highly valued encouragement. And, even if it's not your personal struggle, understanding others' struggles can help us keep a healthy perspective on how to be more compassionate toward one another as we go about our crazy lives.
2. While it's a great find to connect with an author of these practical, challenging, and encouraging texts...nothing, absolutely nothing, can replace the personal connection we can have with the Author of our lives and the challenges or encouragement we receive from being in the Word  and spending time with Him. Every scripture in The Bible can have personal meaningfulness-even different meaning at different times of our lives...because that is how personable God desires to make His Word to each of us that seek after His heart. If you're struggling to find relevance in the Word, ask yourself some hard questions about your relationship with Him. Applying scripture to our lives is naturally more difficult if we are not walking in obedience with Christ. Is your relationship with Christ the top priority in your life? If not...I can attest that He will find a way...even through a connection to another author...to renew your relationship with Him to be joy-filled and priority.

Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Work Zone

It never fails to amaze me that in the midst of my crazy busy schedule, God chooses to continue working on me, working me through this 'one thing' to dig deep and finally come to peace with it. The process has been incredibly freeing, a weight lifted in the form of a mask I felt like I was wearing by not being vulnerable with this issue. Yet, it is also a bit overwhelming at times in the midst of everything else on my plate; realizing that intentionality and mindfulness of keeping God's Word as the authority on this issue will be a lifetime journey also helps bring His peace to the process and open for growth. The past couple of weeks, God has put some words on my heart at different times; they came together to express just where He knows I need to continue seeking after Him. Humbled that He continues to give this interesting poetic gift on occasion; it's as though He gave me my very own Psalm to cling to as He works me through it. So, here's the latest result of poetic processing; I pray that in some small way it may relate to others and reflects His love for each of us, whatever our 'one thing' is: 

A Heart Surrendered

Lord, for so long I’ve held back, held on to this one thing;

Now to Your altar I come, all of me to You I bring.

Let these chains fall down, let them fall to the ground;
In the release of control, there is freedom to be found.

Forgive me and mold me, lead me on Your path set apart;
Undivided and surrendered, You have captured my heart.

Steps of faith, steps of courage, each a step You call me to obey;
Through both challenges and routine, make me more like You each day.

Open my eyes, open my heart to see beyond the rational;
To seek, to experience, to follow that which only with You is possible. 

Side note: I also absolutely love that, even though my original plan for coursework did not happen this semester, He had it all under control from the beginning. Now, I am in two classes that are helping me make changes needed, when I was attempting to keep personal and school work separate. And, what a sweet realization (and curiosity about what He's preparing me for...) that He works all things out perfectly...

One thing...breaking the barrier for growth...

Well, vulnerability is not my strong point...you probably already know that, and it's not a surprise since my tendency is primarily to be an internal processor. But, God put this journey together, and I feel like it is my responsibility to share it. I actually composed this a few weeks back, but have been spending some time talking with some folks who are my counsel and prayer warriors through the ups and downs of life at the moment. Kind of those critical conversations to have or who will be the first to read this. So, here it goes in a short version and a long version.

Short version: This summer, I have been asking myself some tough questions (partially a continuous process since returning from Romania last summer and the other part in step with the Immunity to Change text from a class).These questions were directed at getting to the heart of why I kept coming back to the same place in my personal growth over and over again, learning something new each go around but still coming back to the same basic place. Oswald Chambers noted that God will bring you back to the same spot until you get the lesson He desired you to learn. So, as I have prayed 'unsettle me' over the past few months, I started to see that He was unsettling me from this 'one thing' that was holding me back. Although externally life is wonderful and I am blessed in so many ways, internally I have struggled with confidence,  self-image, and keeping a Godly mindset on health. I realized that this 'one thing' was holding me back simply because I continued to try to have control over it, instead of surrendering it. It has been a physical/mental/spiritual roller coaster ride over the past 10 or so years, and I've just come to the point of knowing there's more...more that God has in store for me, more to think about than numbers or what someone might think of me, and more I can do for Him if I am honoring with my health and entire self. The nutshell of changes from this endeavor includes three main things: 1. Prayer...not just the quick, check it off the list kind of prayer, but focusing on growing toward true prayer time that reflects the joys and burdens of living life for Him. 2. Mindset toward health...minimizing the focus on numbers and limitations, and focusing more on doing what I know is healthy to equip me physically to serve better. 3. Mindset toward self...focus on the positive and quit beating myself up so much over little things...focusing on relearning my true identity as a follower of Christ. Essentially, I'm aiming to make a shift to a more holistic approach to life that centers on my priorities (instead of being stressed out about competing priorities from areas that I have compartmentalized in past).  Challenging, yes. Doable, with His strength (Phil. 4:13).


Long version: If you have read a few of my previous posts, you know that I have been challenging myself with some tough questions the past couple of months. Although reading the Immunity to Change for a class this summer has helped in having an 'excuse' to ask others for some feedback, the truth is that this is a journey I have been on for the past year and a half or so in little bits, though  pretty intentional and intensive for the past couple of months. I think this is a difficult post in a sense because on the outside I am me...serving, growing, learning, doing life with an amazing group of friends, and balancing the often too many things I take on to some degree of effectiveness. Life is good...I feel so incredibly blessed and thankful for the privilege of living this daily life with such amazing people around! If I were not writing this, you would probably have no idea that at the same time there has been this internal struggle that has come and gone over the years. However, in asking some tougher questions to get at 'one thing' to improve upon, some things became clear that I have stuffed away and ignored for years. It is so easy to get distracted or caught up in all that we do to not take the time to dig deep and ask to what degree are we pulling up a mask over an issue rather than facing it head on. Although easier to mask it and try to forget it, God wants us to face it head on, surrendering it to Him, and allowing Him to reshape our life. Let's face it...we can be actively serving and seeking Christ, yet holding back in an area...this creates a wedge or stop point in our spiritual growth that can only be overcome with surrender. Until we face it, we continue to go in circles and come back to that same point. As Oswald Chambers said, "God will bring us back in countless ways to the same point over and over again. And He never tires of bringing us back to that one point until we learn the lesson, because His purpose is to produce the finished product." There's no getting around it...if a deeper relationship with my Savior is desired, I must face "it" and allow God to reshape me instead of trying to control that area by making one of my 'plans'. Such temporary fixes of behavior do not allow for God's transformation through the renewal of mind (Romans 12:2); they may end up being tools that He can use for long-term changes, but the internal reshaping must come first.

In asking others about this 'one thing', I heard about sharing more, having more confidence in what I am capable of doing, and simply taking more time to relax and enjoy life (among a few others). I am grateful for colleagues and friends who took the time to think through this question and give me some honest feedback; I will say that opening yourself up for honest feedback is such a humbling process. As each piece of feedback came to me, I started to trace it back through the various stages of  behaviors that could be a 'cause' for doing or not doing these 'one things'. What was interesting for me, is that they all stemmed back to one thing; my hesitation to share with others, my tendency to have my guard up, and my settling into a comfortable busyness vs. challenging my limits all trace back to a problem with how I see myself. While convenient in the sense of focusing in on indeed one underlying thing, it was also one that ended up pointing to a time in my journey that has subsequently impacted many areas of my life. Part of me was thankful for an area to focus in on, one that reflects my desire for my faith to be interwoven throughout all aspects of my life as my leading priority and definition of who I am; the other part of me just wanted to throw my hands up and say 'really?!?!...I have to deal with that...why now?...what will removing that wedge mean and how will I be challenged after this?...I've gotten pretty comfortable at this point with being "just...". *sigh*

I guess the easiest way to explain it is that, in light of my insecurity, I have clung to 1 Thessalonian 4:11-12 (lead a quiet life) too much, a bit ashamed at my selfish struggle with an eating disorder in high school (that I have never really talked about outside of the few time I have actually shared my full testimony) and subsequent struggle with self-image over the years. I wanted so bad for those memories to just fade away...memories of the pain I caused those who love me and saw in me what I did not see in myself, who could not understand the internal struggle I was going through because I could not muster the courage to ask for help or talk about it. As time went on, I just stuffed that issue down deeper and found my identity in serving others through my passions...church, agriculture, leadership, and cooking. I have been incredibly blessed by the experiences I have had and the people I have met (and continue to do so) through various roles of service and leadership; I can look back and see that each of those roles offered me a stepping stone to get to where I am today. But, I know that for my life to be in congruence with God's will, I have to remove the wedge I have built up from not talking about the heart issue. I have been reading Lysa TerKeurst's Made to Crave, and she so eloquently nailed my thoughts the other morning: (in response to sharing a struggle with friends and their reply back that she did not need to change, had good habits, etc.)..."But I did need to make changes. I knew it. Because this wasn't really about the scale or what clothing size I was; it was about this battle that raged in my heart. I thought about, craved, and arranged my life too much around food. So much so, that I knew it was something God was challenging me to surrender to His control. Really surrender. Surrender to the point where I'd make radical changes for the sake of my spiritual health perhaps even more so than my physical health....Is it possible that we love and rely on food more than we love and rely on God?" This hit so close to home, as my passion for food, for cooking/baking...even planning for healthy eating (if I am being brutally honest with myself) has taken a higher priority than dealing with the underlying issue. These were things that I could control instead of relinquishing that control to my Savior. An important connection I had to make, though, was that surrendering to this issue does not mean giving up these tools that He has equipped me with for healthy living; it simply means putting these things into the correct priority and finding a better balance in healthy living for Him (how He can use these things for His glory...not my own control). And, most importantly finding my identity in Him, and not in little insecurities. 

At this point, I don't know why God has put this on my heart and mind so strongly particularly this summer or how He is going to use this journey for His glory...all that I know is that I am following in obedience, relearning to see my identity in Him and not a particular role I am serving in or insecurity, and going forward with a renewed dedication to growing deeper in my walk with Him through prayer and a changed mindset toward health and self. I am grateful for those who continue to pray for and with me, and who walk with me along the ups and downs that come with each of  our journeys. And, the changes that will come about from this process may not even be noticeable to you; however, this journey of the heart is one that will set the tone of personal and spiritual growth for years to come. I pray that I will begin to see how God will use my story for His glory, and I know that He is right beside me traveling this journey which will continue to be a roller coaster ride filled with bumps, attacks, high points, encouragement, frustration...and, thankfully His patience and forgiveness for when I fall short (I know I will...again...and again...and again).

3 Random Musings...

Here are a few random musings for the day...
1. It's the first Saturday of college football season! And, I am perfectly content tuning in via radio/game tracker on the web to cheer on 'my' teams. I enjoy watching football, but openly confess that I am not a die hard fan. Sure, I'll check scores for the Illini, Dawgs, and Gators...but, most weeks I could not tell you who we're playing or what time kick-off is. I find out soon enough...it's hard not to when you live in a college town and work at the university; but, the kick-off time is most useful for knowing when to avoid traffic if errands need to be run or joining friends for a game-watch. My main interest in football is the community time, and by community I mean a small group of friends...not thousands of fans in the stadium. I like to have that stadium experience every now and again and I will get into the game when watching, especially if I know some of the players (at UGA I would really get into games, as I had several of the players as students). But, for the most part I prefer watching from home where it's cool, involves good company and munchies, and minimal traffic. So, happy college football season to all the fans--die hard and casual alike! Go Illini! Go Dawgs! Go Gators!

2. Favorite Commercials: I don't have a TV at home (by choice), so my main source of commercials comes via hulu.com when I'm catching up on a show or two that I enjoy or hearing about them from others. I have to give some serious props to whoever the creative genius is behind the Geico commercials! Although the "Hump Day" commercial is super popular currently, THIS is by far my favorite commercial. Perhaps it's because my nickname for a short while in junior high was Pillsbury. Perhaps it's because I love baking. Either way, I just love it and it makes me smile anytime I see it...really, how can you not with that laugh!

3.  Shower Singing Solution: Ever been in the shower busting out a tune only to realize you have no clue what the actual lyrics are? I do it all the time...then just end up singing the same song or two over and over again. A while back, I was introduced to the fabulous method of putting a memory verse in a ziplock bag and taping it to the back of the shower wall. So, it finally hit me...why not print of the lyrics to some of my favorite songs/hymns and put them in a baggie on my shower wall? Yeah...you can guess what I did today! :) Now, I'm free to belt out that tune with the true lyrics.  

That's all for now...time to go be productive in apartment cleaning and grocery shopping...

Granola Bars

With the semester back in full swing, I was in search for a good granola bar recipe that would be good for breakfast or a snack on the go. A simple base of one of my favorite combinations-peanut/almond butter and banana- and the essential, flexible combinations of nuts and fruit make this a super easy recipe to mix up! I have been enjoying a bar along with my eggs and fruit in the morning, but they also worked great as a snack for our pool party this past weekend. They are dense and loaded with good stuff to keep you fueled up for whatever adventure or task is ahead! So, get creative and enjoy some delicious, homemade granola bars!

Homemade Granola Bars
Slightly adapted from EatGood4Life
Yield: 8 bars (or 16 snack bars)

Ingredients:
1/2 cup peanut or almond butter
2 bananas, ripened and mashed
1/2 cup almonds
1/4 cup dried apricots (or other dried fruit)
1/4 cup dried cranberries (or other dried fruit)
1/3 cup pistachios (or other nut, coconut, seed, etc.)
2 Tbsp. dark chocolate chips (optional)
1 cup old fashioned oats
2 Tbsp. flax seed meal
1 tsp. cinnamon

Directions:
- Preheat oven to 350'F. Line 8x8 baking pan with parchment paper.
- In a small pan, combine mashed bananas and peanut/almond butter.On low heat, stir to combine (it takes     just a couple of minutes to 'melt' together. Set aside.
- In a food processor, combine the almonds, dried fruit, other seeds/coconut/nuts, and chocolate chips.      
  Coarsely chop.
- Add chopped ingredients to a medium bowl. Add oats, flax seed meal, and cinnamon.
- Add banana -peanut/almond butter mixture to bowl.
- Fold until well combined.
- Press the batter into the prepared baking pan.

Bake for 25 minutes. Cool before cutting. Store in fridge.

Approximate nutrition per bar (will vary based upon the ingredients you choose):
Calories per bar (200) Fat (14g.) Carb. (20g.) Protein (6g.)

Caution: Internal Processor Near

It's rather amusing for me to think about how various personality/character types are perceived by others. As a leadership instructor, I get to see these nuances first hand through my students when we do various personality assessments and have these conversations. And, not just amusing as they figure out why some people are the way they are, but also a fascinating reminder of how each of us need to take note of how others operate, communicate, etc. on a day to day basis. For me, I also differ a little with context; meaning that I may respond differently if I am in a context of leading others than I would if we're friends discussing personal matters. This connects to my tendency to flip on my "extrovert" switch...well, as much of an extrovert as I can be...when in  large group that I would like to network with, teaching or facilitating, etc. However, on a personal level I tend to have more "introvert" tendencies. As I have been thinking through some things over the past few days (an update on that is in the works), I realized once again that being an internal processor can come across the wrong way (disconnected, arrogance, not caring, etc.) in some contexts. So, here is my little list of three things you should know about working/conversing with an internal processor such as yours truly:
1. Send information in advance. Time for reviewing information and processing it is of utmost importance to the internal processor. I do not do well with information provided at the moment feedback is desired; this is the best way ensure that I will be quiet in a meeting (and potentially not fully engaged because I will be busy looking through the materials instead of truly listening to what you have to say). A day or two in advance is typically just right, depending on the amount of information to be reviewed.
2. If you would like my opinion, please ask. Just as it's important to send the information in advance for processing, asking is the key to receiving feedback from an internal processor. We care...really, quite a bit (especially if provided with info in advance). I am not particularly forthcoming with my personal thoughts in meetings. The external processors are plenty good at sharing opinions readily, and if my opinion aligns with something already mentioned I will not repeat what has been said. If I have something new to add value to the conversation, I will certainly do so; however, many times the meeting facilitator needs to prompt the internally inclined folks (perhaps even to just provide the opportunity to interject among a group of external processors). So, ask away and insight will be offered.
3. Trust fuels the depth of feedback. This may be common for external processors also, but I feel it is particularly common for internal processors. My relationship with a group and the level of trust I have for the individuals involved will directly correlate to the depth of feedback offered. Typically, only those in my closest circle know the full extent of what I am thinking or feeling in a given situation. Even then, it may take a while for that full depth to come through. So, patience is essential if you truly desire the full opinion of a situation.

One of the most difficult things about being an internal processor, I believe, is when I have taken the time to thoroughly think through a situation or topic and then either am too late to offer my thoughts (the group of external processors has already pushed through the topic) or desire to contribute more, but information was not provided in advance to review. Yes, simply frustrating.

So, to wrap this post up...remember to consider your internal processing colleagues/friends when approaching a situation in which you desire their feedback. Then, take a cue from the three bits above. These are my personal bits of observation/advice...take them as such. What would you add to the list? What would you want to know from the perspective of an internal processor?

Mmmm...Maple Blueberry Drop Scones

Although I love a scone that is in a nice, triangular form and a little on the verge of dryness to be enjoyed with some tea/milk/coffee, I love a drop scone that is on the verge of being called a muffin top. Being a little pressed for time in food prep this week (aka Sunday night scrambling), I wanted to try this quick scone to enjoy for breakfasts this week. This recipe had promise for being a quick mix 'n bake, and I just had to try it out...I mean maple and blueberries...that just screams breakfast goodness! As promised, I had this recipe whipped up, in and out of the oven within 30 minutes. OK...that time frame may also have included the taste test but I don't 100% remember. It passed my tasting, and am gladly enjoying one each morning with my eggs for breakfast. So, if you're looking for a quick and easy (grab and go optional) breakfast or snack...give this recipe a try! 

Maple Blueberry Drop Scones
Slightly adapted from Snacking Outside the Box
Yield: 6-7 large scones

Ingredients: 
2 eggs, beaten until frothy
1 1/2 to 1 3/4 cup almond meal/flour
1/4 cup maple syrup (the real stuff)
1 1/2 t. baking powder
1 1/2 t. vanilla
1 t. cinnamon
1/2 c. blueberries (fresh or frozen)

Directions: 
1. Preheat the oven to 375'F and line a sheet pan with parchment paper.
2. In a large bowl, combine all ingredients, except the blueberries and mix well. Start with 1 1/2 c. almond flour, and add more as needed to get batter to hold together.
3. Fold in blueberries.
4. Drop batter onto pan; you'll get approximately 6-7 large scones.
5. Bake for 15 minutes or until scones begin to lightly brown.
6. Cool and enjoy!

Nutrition info (yield of 7): Calories per scone (236) Fat (16g.) Carb. (15g.) Protein (9g.)

A Muffin Redo...Cherry Style!

Yes, indeed...another muffin recipe! I suppose, technically speaking, this is not a new recipe; it's more so an adaptation of a previously posted recipe to meet my seasonal cherry craving. Cherries are one of those things that I did not grow up eating; when I was younger, I actually refused to eat them. I have a vivid memory of sitting in our elementary school cafeteria after everyone else had left for recess because I had gotten seconds on fruit (which meant you had to finish it before leaving). In this case, I thought the fruit was still mashed strawberries from the first round; my seconds ended up being cherries...so, I sat there because I could not choke them down. Thankfully, my great aunt was one of the cooks and she eventually let me go after a few tears and choking down a bite of cherries. Fast forward to my favorite summer job during college - a cook at Camp on the Boulder in MT, where I was introduced to fresh cherries...seriously...the deliciousness that I had been missing out on all these years from being convinced that those gross canned cherries were a true representation of the actual fruit. Now, when cherry season comes around (and much to my dentist's demise...sorry for the stains)...you can be sure that I have some on hand and do the oh-so-graceful chomp around the pit and spit moves to get all that delicious cherry fruit into my mouth! Thus, these muffins...I had a handful of cherries left in my fridge and was out of breakfast muffins. As a paleo muffin, of course, these are very dense and loaded with a good mix of fruits and good fats. So, here's my adapted version of paleo-ish banana cherry chocolate almond muffins...enjoy!

Banana  Cherry Chocolate Almond Muffins (Paleo)
Yield: 12 muffins
Adapted from B-eing Paleofabulous

3 medium/large well ripened bananas
 (or 4 small)
2 eggs
1 T. coconut oil
1 T. honey (optional)
1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 cups almond meal
1/2 cup flax meal
dash of salt
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. cinnamon
1 c. fresh cherries, pitted and diced
1/2 c. chocolate chips (I experimented with Enjoy Life chips...they are good, but I think I'll just stick with regular (non-paleo) choc. chips in the future.)

- Preheat oven to 350.
- Mash bananas in a large mixing bowl (I use a sturdy whisk for this task...a fork, pastry blender, etc. also work). Add the eggs, coconut oil, honey, and vanilla. Whisk to blend.
- In a separate, small bowl, combine almond meal, flax meal, salt, baking soda, and cinnamon.
- Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients, stir just until moistened.
- Fold in cherries and chocolate chips.
- Line your muffin tin, and spoon in the batter to 3/4 full or evenly distributed among the 12 muffin tins.
- Bake for ~30 minutes.

Enjoy...along with an extra little handful of chocolate chips while the muffins baking :)!

Nutrition info: Calories per muffin (205) Fat (13g.) Carb. (19g.) Protein (6g.)

Going bananas...

It's that time of the year...when the "slower" pace of summer is winding down and upcoming events and preparations for the new semester are coming into full swing. This, combined with the tail end of the summer semester this year, makes life a little crazy. It was kind of funny while catching up with friends and family over the past couple of weeks, several mentioned that anytime they see my status on Facebook I am always baking or cooking something up. Translation: how in the world do you have time to bake so much? Well, my little secret is that next to running, baking/cooking is my stress relief; therefore, when life gets a little crazy, I carve out some baking time. I mean, a gals gotta eat! And, there may or may not be some kitchen dancing and singing going on through the process. So, this week, the need for a grab and go snack and some overripe bananas led me to these bars. These choconana bars even hit my chocolate fix. They may become a part of my go-to stash, as they are super easy and a great brownie-esque breakfast side or snack; cut them in bars or little squares, and toss in some of your favorite items to make them extra delicious!  These have been some yummy little bars this past week while still getting unpacked and caught up on life. 

Choconana Protein Bars (aka healthy 'brownies')
Slightly adapted from Blood, Sweat, & Carbs 
Yield: 14 bars
Ingredients
3/4 cup + 2 Tbsp. almond meal
1 Tbsp. ground flax meal
2 scoops protein powder (I used Designer Whey vanilla praline)
1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1 Tbsp. unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 tsp. baking powder
2 Tbsp. almond butter
2 Tbsp. honey
2 bananas, mashed
2 eggs
Optional: 1/4 cup mini chocolate chips, dried cherries, or chopped almonds (or whatever you would like)

Directions: 
- Preheat oven to 350 'F
- Line an 8x8 square pan with parchment paper. 
- Mix all dry ingredients in a bowl and set aside.
- In a small bowl, smash the bananas. Add almond butter, honey, and eggs; mix well. 
- Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and mix just until combined. 
- Pour batter into pan.
- Bake for 18-20 minutes. 
- Cool, then pull out of pan using the parchment paper; cut into squares. 

Nutrition per bar (without optional items): Calories - 85, Fat - 5g, Carb - 7g, Protein - 5g

Modeling Core Values

After being on the road for a conference and time at home in Illinois over the past two weeks, it is good to be home and catching up on life. As such, I am sorting through my notes from the Association of Leadership Educators (ALE) Conference. I must say that this year's speakers were the best we have had since I began attending this conference 5 years ago. Ted Thomas spoke to the model utilized in training and development at the Army Command and Staff College, and Ira Chaleff spoke to the art of followership. We have had good speakers, but this year was different; our speakers did not just provide us with outstanding keynote messages, they modeled the way for lifelong learning by being engaged throughout the entire conference. I would imagine it is safe to say that a typical keynote speaker would come in, stay the day of their keynote, then head back home or on to their next speaking engagement. It was enlightening to see our keynotes truly living out the messages they shared, which both included a mention to continuous learning and development. Another great aspect of this year's conference were the follow-up sessions with each of the keynotes; a more laid-back setting where they continued sharing and answering questions from those of us who attended.

One key message that I walked away with from our speakers focused on the concept of neutrality with our core values. Often as an instructor, you are advised to be 'neutral' as a facilitator of learning in a classroom; I have questioned and struggled with such a notion. Can one truly be neutral if we are discussing leadership, which ultimately reflects one's personal core values? I received a refreshing answer from one of our speakers on this matter. Essentially...Neutrality in contexts where personal values are central is non-existent; there is only speaking honestly and with integrity to the values you hold true, with respect and a listening ear for others whose thoughts and values may differ. It's amazing the depth of conversations that can be facilitated when there is a common agreement to this nature; sometimes agreeing to disagree, but trying to understand an alternate perspective proves to be a rich experience for all involved.

I feel so blessed that my current group of students get this; it is often a turning point for decent class conversations to turn into great conversations. When it occurs, everyone (including myself) can walk away with a deeper appreciation of their personal values and how they direct the decisions we each make daily (big decisions and small decisions). And, although there is a fine line as an instructor for expressing personal values, I believe it would be counterproductive to expect something of my students that I am not willing to model as an instructor. After all, when students see an instructor holding true to their core values, I think it gives them permission and confidence to do the same.

Trust the Process...Imperfect Progress

In a world so attuned to instant gratification, 'trust the process' can seem to be more of a test of patience than its original intent of growth through experience and reflection. One of the aspects I enjoy most about working in leadership education is the opportunity to initiate and spur on the process of personal development in my students. Likewise, sharing in my students' processes of growth also is a continuous reminder for my own personal development. The irony of it, though, is that even though it's is my job - I observe, I listen, I teach, I give advice to help my students figure out how to capitalize on their strengths and make quality connections to lead others toward a meaningful goal- sometimes I get stuck. This past semester, I decided it was time to go through the assignments with my students (I like to do this every so often to make sure that I am not asking of them what I would not do myself and ensure it is a realistic assignment); however, I should note that I typically do not share my personal process with my students outside of examples shared while teaching. And, after making a "New Year's resolution" of sorts to be more vulnerable and focus on my own development this was a great tie in of personal and professional efforts. How is this different than past times when I have gone through the assignments with my students? The last time I did this, I focused on just the professional realm; this time, I opened the door wide open for some tough but needed reflection in all areas...personal (including spiritual) & professional. I never imagined the depth of the task I was about to take on...one that I know by 'trusting the process' I will be grateful at the end, but probably often question 'why' during the process. After all, a year is a long time...but, it offered some flexibility for selective focus, perhaps some avoidance and the general craziness of life. So, it's July...here's the midterm evaluation and what's coming up:
1. Realization: Studying leadership offers many, many opportunities for self-evaluation (even 360 evaluation); however, in engaging in these processes or activities of this nature over the years, I can now see that I would always get to a certain point, then repeat that cycle.
2. Opportune timing: In the midst of wrapping up the spring semester, thinking about summertime last year (first mission trip to Romania), and  starting to take an organizational leadership class...the text for this summer class was identified. Immunity to Change...this was a book that a few colleagues have recommended and touted as on of the most impactful processes they have ever gone through for personal development. Obviously, as individuals I respect, I was curious to read this book. And, although many of my peers were skeptical of the process, I decided this was the perfect opportunity to seek feedback and engage in some deeper personal development. (Gulp) Trust me when I say that it is one of the most humbling things to sit down and write people to ask for honest feedback on how I can be better. At the moment, I am receiving this feedback from those I sent the request to...very enlightening! Looking forward to reviewing that feedback and making some lifetime changes. The process of the 'immunity to change' exercise goes beyond the surface level behavioral changes I have typically made and is challenging me to look at what adaptive or mindset changes need to me bade that are the roots of the behaviors I have addressed through previous cycles of personal leadership development.
3. Faith factor: I have trained myself to go to a neutral zone when it comes to personal leadership development; as an instructor, it is a mindset I try to go to to remain open to the various perspectives my students bring to the classroom safe zone to facilitate the learning process. However, when it comes to my personal development...as much as I could try, my faith is an integral and inseparable component of growth. So, with the realization that I get to a point and repeat that cycle, my question then becomes "What is stopping me from going  beyond that point?" As a follower of Christ, this also begs the question "What am I holding on to or not surrendering (or remotely dealing with) that may be keeping me from a deeper relationship with my Savior?" And, as an internal processor this also translates to "What have I stuffed down inside or tried to work out on my own that needs to be vocalized?"

All I know at the moment is that trusting this process over the next couple of months may be one of the toughest things I have done on a personal level. This process can be raw, vulnerable, awkward, touchy-feely (which I am so not good at), involve difficult conversations, etc. It may involve asking many 'whys'...which will then (hopefully) turn into 'hows' (not as in 'how did this occur?', but 'how can God use this?'). So, why do it? Because I know that if I don't, I will remain in a cycle of development that continues to address behaviors instead of taking a leap of faith to dig deep and blast through a barrier I have built for myself. And, unless you deal with the past/present barriers, you can never reach the depth of the future plans God has in store for your life. So, I am trusting in the process and coveting prayers as I take on this peak of the process.  I pray that as He continues to 'unsettle me' through this process, I grow stronger, bolder, and more open to how He can use me through imperfect progress.

Scaling Down

I stepped on the scale the other morning...something I had not done since my last weigh in for bootcamp and going through the month of paleo. I was feeling great from the healthy habits I adopted from paleo, and enjoying adding some whole grains and a little dairy back in while reducing a bit of the meat (of, course this being after my mini 'whatever-I-want-go-crazy-with sweets-and-chocolate' induced misery...otherwise known as a crash and burn). I'm not sure why I decided that morning to do so, but I did. I regret that decision in one way, but in another way glad for it. Why regret? Simply, because I didn't like what I saw on the scale. My quick response was frustration and to question if this whole intentionality with food things is even worth it. Really, I'm trying so hard to gain back a healthy relationship with food and exercise...is it even paying off? Then came confusion...my clothes fit well, so why the increase? I'm sure at some point, you've gone on that roller coaster of emotion...whether internally contained or shared with a friend over some chocolate. Finally and thankfully, some sense came to me. I thought about two things...
1. Scales are finicky. Or, rather our bodies are finicky. Given any variation of circumstances, our bodies can range in weight...a good 5-10 pounds. Maybe I ate something a little too salty. Or, had a tough workout the night before. Why should I allow a number to impact my confidence and motivation for living a healthy lifestyle? (I shouldn't...been there, done that for too long and have made too much progress to go back.)

2. Am I being counter productive? With this mindset going from Made to Crave, paleo, and just a general intentional effort for health, is focusing in on a particular goal number (and progress toward it) going against the lifestyle behaviors I'm trying to (re)develop? I know weight is nice to know for progress and general health purposes, but do I really need to know it every week or two?

So, I decided that until Sept. 1 I am on a no weigh-in status. What I need to do is focus in on simply eating healthy and exercising because I enjoy it, not to reach a specific number. If I lose weight in the process, awesome...but, I will not know 'til September :). Here's to scaling down for a couple of months and simply enjoying fitness, food, and travel time because I want to, not because the number on the scale might flip out if I do (x) or (y)!

Banana Bundt Bread = Banana Bread + Baked Oatmeal

What do you do when there is a bunch of over-ripe bananas on your counter? What else...bake! At least, that's what I do, and after three consecutive batches of paleo banana-blueberry muffins I decided it was time to make something different. I knew I wanted to make some "chococonana pops" for a little summer treat and this hummingbird coffee cake, but that still left me with 2 bananas. So, I experimented with a typical banana bundt cake and determined that if you were to cross a loaf of banana bread with a pan of baked oatmeal, this is what you would get. So, if you're looking for a mildly banana, not too sweet, hearty snack bread...give this a try and let me know what you think. Personally, I thought it was a good, stick-with-you slice of oat-y goodness...which would be yummy with some almond butter on top for a quick pre- or post- run snack or on-the-go breakfast with some fruit. I'm sure it would also be delicious with some mini-chocolate chips tossed in!

Banana Bundt Cake
Recipe adapted from greenlitebites
3 cups old fashioned oats, ground to about 2 cups of oat flour
2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp. cinnamon
2 large over-ripe bananas
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 large egg
2 Tbsp. honey
1 Tbsp. molasses or pure cane syrup (I had some on hand from Dudley Farm)
1 cup vanilla greek yogurt
1 tsp. almond extract
1 tsp. vanilla extract

- Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
- Spray bundt pan with non-stick cooking spray and set aside.
- In a small bowl, combine flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. Set aside.
- In a large bowl, mash the bananas. Add the applesauce, egg, honey, molasses, yogurt, and extracts. Whisk until smooth.
- Add the dry ingredients to the wet and stir just until combined.
- Pour into bundt pan; batter will be thick, so simply spread around evenly with a spatula.
- Bake for ~45 minutes.
- Wait at least 10 minutes before flipping over onto a plate.

Note: This will be a 'short' and pretty dense bundt bread. You can make it a bit lighter by using all-purpose or whole wheat flour (as in the original recipe) instead of the oat/oat flour.

Happy baking!